I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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