my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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