Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
