Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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