eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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