im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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