Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
