Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
