im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
