my sisters under your porch take her home
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize