dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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