I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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