i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Come on in and take your pants off
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