nut hugger
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
