she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize