It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
