Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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