my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
