Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize