I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
