I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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