No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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