we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize