you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
