his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
