I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
