Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize