please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
