I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We have so much sex to catch up on
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
