i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
