last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
