Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i've created a new STD.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
