Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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