Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
