omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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