I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
