Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize