Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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