When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
