The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
