ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
