you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
