I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize