im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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