Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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