Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
