chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
