Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
