You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
