Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
