6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
