I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm too high and old for this...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize