It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
