I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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