Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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