Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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