There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
