I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize