You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
