I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
