just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
