im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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