not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
