she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
two words...techno handjob
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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