That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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