And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
