Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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