she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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