he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
