I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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