you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
