Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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