Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
