He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize