the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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