So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
nutella sex= disaster
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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