There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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