I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When did angry sex become our thing?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
