How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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