so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I love you.
Bad choice
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
