Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
