then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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