Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
