I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You pole danced in your parka.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
