oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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