Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
