Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
