yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
