Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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