i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
