I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
