This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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