1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The air was thick with penises
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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