I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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