I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's official drugs can't kill me
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
