why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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