She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
organizing the empties. That sober.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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