I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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