the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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